Hello there blogosphere. I think Blogosphere is the proper way of addressing you, if not, to hell with formality… or Hades.
Today I write to the incessant sound of “We care about Paris Hilton but can’t figure out why” but that’s neither here nor there, I digress. I come to you because I haven’t written in a while… because I was writing in a blog smaller than this, a “micro-blog”… Twitter to be exact.
It’s been an odd month… A 24-Year old man attacked a Bear, the Bear mauled him, and people almost unanimously agreed that the Bear had a bad attitude… I think the bear was hungry so it acted like a BEAR, in my Uber-confident-but-not-arrogant opinion.
Another Oil Rig exploded in the Gulf of Mexico, letting officials know that they need to build offshore oil rigs faster because they have short shelf lives. Local citizens are infuriated because they’re now fueling their cars with what is now, the Water Supply.
Antoine Dodson has taken the place of the General Larry Platt who immortalized “Pants on the Ground”. One Bojangle replaces another for all of us to enjoy, at the expense of an entire group of people who should be disassociated of course. Excellent.
Hurricane Earl struck the East Coast, with a bright orange Extension Cord. Earl denies the claim that alcohol had anything to do with it. Maybe since the weather authorities named Hurricane Earl after a Truck Stop Clerk, they can name the next big storm after an Italian “informant”, Hurricane Fugazi.
A man plummeted 40-stories only to have his death thwarted by a woman’s car. I thought to myself “Hmm, maybe her AllState Insurance could front his medical bill. Too greedy? Perhaps. He did survive a 40-Story free-fall, he is in “Good Hands”.
Ben Rothlisberger got his 6-game NFL suspension reduced to 4 games by Roger Goodell after his second or third sexual assault accusation… while Plaxico Burress gets denied prison work release for shooting himself. “Exemplary” standards are being set.
Paris Hilton may get banned from Las Vegas due to her Cocaine possession charges, although the loss of Las Vegas may affect her “business”, she thanks ATM I mean God that she wasn’t carrying crack. Powder receives preferential treatment.
Harvey Keitel might be Steve Carrell’s replacement in “The Office”, turning it into “The Precinct”.
Stay tuned ladies and gentlemen… Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/Ironsheek. I am @Ironsheek. Much Love, tell everyone you know about the unofficial official news that I bring. @Ironsheek. Subscribe to my blogs.