The Legging: Nonchalant Nudity

Leggings, they’re everywhere. Neoprene reigns supreme in contemporary American culture. Leggings are considered Outerwear, Indoor-Track-Meet-Wear, Casual Wear, and least importantly, Underwear. At what point did they become Overwear? I haven’t the slightest, and neither do they. The point is, with the legging, there is an extremely minuscule layer separating the box from the Earth’s atmosphere. Leggings are not pants, they are sleeves….for your legs…so that your legs can be complemented by an actual layer of clothing.

Ok, without the matching shoes, I would've asked if she were ok because it looks like she fell from the back of some dude's motorcycle

Leggings are the convergence of naked and mainstream. I don’t mind, I love the female form,  but I do find nonchalant nudity to be rather hilarious. Move over, Blue Jean. Get the hell out-of-the-way, fashion. This is the dawn of a new era, when style is the accidental result of throwing your wardrobe into a blender. Although they leave their homes wearing monochrome Saran-Wrap, entering the public sphere while wearing a Naughty Wetsuit, is an act of sheer courage!

I call her, "The i-Pod Shuffle" The effortless "Nintendo Mii" approach to wardrobe randomization.

Convenience is where it’s at. Women wake up in the morning, and take a NINTENDO Mii approach to dressing themselves. They cycle through accessories, scroll down, highlight “torso”, select some sort of fabric to wrap around themselves, carefully select a boot that matches nothing from the knee up, and they call it an outfit. They would argue that they’re being thrifty. Yea, OK.

“I’m going out to the bars tonight” -In leggings

“I’m staying in, I need to study for the bar exam” -In leggings

“I’m going to Zumba, and then to the bestie’s house” -In leggings, but the colors might change

“I’m going to pay my respects” -In leggings

“I’m headed to class” -In Leggings, and some Navajo Garb

The possibilities are endless hilarious

Leggings have become the center of a Faux Pas Solar System, and the other components of an outfit orbit them inconsequentially. Are leggings a problem? Not really. They’re a versatile pseudo-fashionista’s scapegoat, and they are absolute entertainment. Ladies, give SPAWN his pants back. Kidding, you’re alright with me… but you should embrace style, and wear clothing sometimes.

I am @ironsheek, and I approve this message.

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About Travanti

I'm an actor, satirist (read that slowly, or you could get the wrong idea), comedic writer (contingent upon who finds my work funny), & macro/microcosmic social commentator. An alum of the University of Louisville, and Syracuse University (Newhouse Television Radio & Film M.S.)... aren't I being shockingly cavalier about it all?

Posted on October 20, 2011, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I completely agree! I loved reading this.

  2. OMG!!! I laughed out loud at my desk while reading this! The temperature has dropped to a crisp 66 in Los Angeles & leggings are out in full effect. I contemplated putting some on this am, but opted for skinny jeans instead. I don’t mind leggings so much as long as they are opaque and the booty/legs are in good condition. Twice this week I have witnessed women in sheer leggings. Clearly those items were meant to be worn UNDER another layer of clothing. Ma’am do you realize I can see your hello kitty panties?? Where are your friends? They let you step out like that?! Oh well…*shrug life* Thanks for the laugh!

    • I’m glad that you enjoyed my outrageous content, how often is OUTRAGEOUS even used in modern-day sentences? I typed that baby up early in the morning before class, leggings are worn no matter what out here in Syracuse! They look like 1980-Hippie-Ninja-Jillian-Michaels’ out here, yes, they represent that sort of random hybrid. They aren’t influenced by fashion as much as they’re influenced by practicality and ease.

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