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The Legging: Nonchalant Nudity

Leggings, they’re everywhere. Neoprene reigns supreme in contemporary American culture. Leggings are considered Outerwear, Indoor-Track-Meet-Wear, Casual Wear, and least importantly, Underwear. At what point did they become Overwear? I haven’t the slightest, and neither do they. The point is, with the legging, there is an extremely minuscule layer separating the box from the Earth’s atmosphere. Leggings are not pants, they are sleeves….for your legs…so that your legs can be complemented by an actual layer of clothing.

Ok, without the matching shoes, I would've asked if she were ok because it looks like she fell from the back of some dude's motorcycle

Leggings are the convergence of naked and mainstream. I don’t mind, I love the female form,  but I do find nonchalant nudity to be rather hilarious. Move over, Blue Jean. Get the hell out-of-the-way, fashion. This is the dawn of a new era, when style is the accidental result of throwing your wardrobe into a blender. Although they leave their homes wearing monochrome Saran-Wrap, entering the public sphere while wearing a Naughty Wetsuit, is an act of sheer courage!

I call her, "The i-Pod Shuffle" The effortless "Nintendo Mii" approach to wardrobe randomization.

Convenience is where it’s at. Women wake up in the morning, and take a NINTENDO Mii approach to dressing themselves. They cycle through accessories, scroll down, highlight “torso”, select some sort of fabric to wrap around themselves, carefully select a boot that matches nothing from the knee up, and they call it an outfit. They would argue that they’re being thrifty. Yea, OK.

“I’m going out to the bars tonight” -In leggings

“I’m staying in, I need to study for the bar exam” -In leggings

“I’m going to Zumba, and then to the bestie’s house” -In leggings, but the colors might change

“I’m going to pay my respects” -In leggings

“I’m headed to class” -In Leggings, and some Navajo Garb

The possibilities are endless hilarious

Leggings have become the center of a Faux Pas Solar System, and the other components of an outfit orbit them inconsequentially. Are leggings a problem? Not really. They’re a versatile pseudo-fashionista’s scapegoat, and they are absolute entertainment. Ladies, give SPAWN his pants back. Kidding, you’re alright with me… but you should embrace style, and wear clothing sometimes.

I am @ironsheek, and I approve this message.

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